


oh, you're the best friend that i ever had

by kgmps2



Category: Never Satisfied (Webcomic)
Genre: Banter, M/M, POV Second Person, Sex Jokes, idiots to lovers, they're both dumb as shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 23:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19261705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kgmps2/pseuds/kgmps2
Summary: Sylas finally asks Seiji why he's been so jumpy lately.





	oh, you're the best friend that i ever had

You love hanging out with Seiji.

He’s your best friend for a _reason_ , after all. He’s funny, he’s clever, and he _gets_ you. Other people probably wouldn’t understand, if you tried to explain it to them, but you don’t mind. As long as you know him and he knows you, you’re his friend and he’s _yours_ and you love each other.

Today’s different, though. This _week_ has been different. You had a bad day last Saturday, had a conversation you regret, and didn’t see him until _this_ Saturday. At first you thought he was fine – he didn’t seem mad at all, not like you’d been worrying. But there’s something… off. You can’t figure out what it is, and you feel awkward asking him about it, so you put it out of your mind when you can.

You’re sitting together underneath a tree, a ways back from the beach. You’ve got some snacks to share between the two of you, though you’re not touching them now. Now you’re watching the beach, hidden from the world, and talking. He was fine, earlier, but now he’s being distant again and you don’t know why.

 “Seiji, are you okay?”

He looks up at you abruptly, like he was distracted until you said his name. He also looks almost _guilty_ , though you’re not sure if he only seems that way because you’re reading too much into it. One thing’s clear – his tentative smile is as flimsy as a soap bubble.

“Sure I am,” he says, like it’s enough to cover up what you can plainly see. That alone tells you how preoccupied he is – trying to handle _you_ like he handles everyone else – but you decide to press the matter anyway.

“Are you sure? Because I’ve left myself open for about half a dozen dirty jokes in this conversation alone, and you haven’t made _any_ of them.”

He blinks, then grins a little more sincerely. “Left yourself open, huh?” This halfhearted attempt at innuendo tells you more than anything that he’s not okay – it’s got none of the predatory glee he normally has when he manages to twist someone’s words, to catch them in a verbal net. You roll your eyes.

“Yes, I left myself _wide_ open, and I’m astonished you haven’t _pounced_ on me.”

He actually goes red at that. It’s a funny reaction, and you wonder if _this_ is why he so often goes out of his way to turn someone else’s innocent comment into something raunchy. On one level, the level he’d admit to, it’s because sex is _funny_. But beyond that, it’s a way to reclaim control over conversations. It’s not about coming up with his own jokes, it’s about pulling everyone else down to his level. A clever enough insinuation doesn’t just embarrass everyone, it makes them complicit in the conversation turning improper at all.

While you ruminate on this, he’s still stammering, trying to find his conversational footing again. Is he really that unprepared for someone to turn the tables on him, to make a dirty joke at _his_ expense? It’s not like this is the first time you’ve done something like that. No, he’s probably just nervous for the same reason he’s been jumpy and cagey around you in general this week, whatever _that_ is. You frown.

“You okay, buddy?” you repeat gently, and he calms down. A little. His smile comes back, but his face is still pink.

“Yeah, I’m all right. Sorry, I… uh…”

He trails off, and you mentally count the seconds until you reach the point where you know to stop waiting for an explanation. You sigh. Normally it’s funny, endearing even – seeing him lose his train of thought entirely without even seeming to notice, watching him realize that he can’t really come up with an excuse this time – but this week has been rough. On the surface he’s the same open book as always, but there’s _something_ different now. He’s jumpier, definitely, but you can’t find any sort of pattern in what sets him off. All you can tell for sure is it started on Saturday, when you ran into each other after not talking for a week.

What _happened_? It’s not like you meant to avoid him, not really. You felt bad about snapping at him _last_ Saturday – yeah, he was being dumb, and you were already in a bad mood, but you haven’t been able to shake the feeling that maybe you crossed a line too. You still remember the exact moment – right after you said what you feel you shouldn’t have, you heard him stand up. By the time you turned around to say _no, I didn’t mean it, I just feel like garbage_ he was already making his way out of your room, closing the door behind him. You never even saw his face.

And now he’s back, being just as _Seiji_ as he always has, but you can still see the difference. Did something happen during the week he was away from you? Is he still mad? He didn’t _seem_ mad, not at first, but maybe it’s more complicated. Maybe he’s mad even though he doesn’t want to be. You just wish you could figure out why.

Well, you’re not going to figure it out by saying nothing and waiting for him to stop sitting there glancing at you like there’s a punishment for looking. You sigh heavily, and that gets his attention. He looks up at you, steadily this time.

“Are you mad at me?” you finally say.

“What? No, I – how c– _why_ would I be mad at _you_?”

Normally the way he said it would make you laugh. It’s funny – cute, even. But he’s been so guarded and insincere all week that you can’t shake the feeling that he’s lying.

“The other week, Seiji. When I – you know. When I yelled at you. I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that, Sylas, you didn’t… I was being stupid.”

“I was stupid too!”

“You were _upset_. And I’m not mad about that. You were right.”

“No, I wasn’t – listen, that’s not the point. If you’re not mad about that, what’s _wrong_? And don’t say _nothing_ , Seiji. You’ve been acting _weird_ all week. You’re checked out, you’re jumpy, and – you haven’t touched me on your own _once_!” You didn’t realize the last one until you said it, but it’s true. Seiji’s always been a hands-on guy, but it seems like the last couple of times you’ve hung out he hasn’t hugged you, leaned on you, or even _nudged_ you except to push you away.

Now that you’ve noticed, it _hurts_. “Did… did something happen? I know we didn’t talk for a week, and I missed you, but… are you _okay_ , Seiji?”

It’s the third time you’ve asked him in this conversation alone. Maybe _that_ will convince him to finally open up. You watch him watch you, his mouth twitching. Figuring out how to put it, maybe. But it’s _Seiji_ – you don’t know if there’s anything he _could_ say that you wouldn’t understand. He seems to realize this, smiling tiredly at you.

“I’ll _be_ okay.” That’s… well, at least he’s not pretending that there’s nothing going on. Honestly, that insulted your intelligence. But it’s still a way of shutting you out, of saying that it’s out of your control.

“Can I help?” That gets him to go pink again, just a little. He seems to have been doing a lot of that, lately. Is whatever’s bugging him embarrassing, somehow?

He opens his mouth, seems to reconsider, then starts talking before you can ask what he was about to say. “I… probably not?” He doesn’t seem happy about it.

You sigh, leaning a little closer. “How come? Did…” You remember your conversation on Saturday and feel stupid. “Did January say something? When she beat you up?”

He sits up, looking surprised. “Uh… no. Well, she said a couple things, but I don’t really give a shit what she thinks, y’know?”

You pat his hand. He almost twitches away, just for a second, but doesn’t. “I know, but… it can still hurt, right? I don’t care what a mosquito thinks, but it still _itches_ if it bites me.”

He laughs. “Sure. She… _did_ say some things that pissed me off, but they were mostly about… you.”

“… Right.” If he doesn’t want to go into detail, you won’t push him. It’s not like figuring out unpleasant things January would say about you is your idea of a good time, or like it even requires much imagination. “I’m sorry you had to… you know, go through that.”

“Heh. I’m fine – well, I’ll be fine. She’s not what’s bugging me anyway.”

“Then what is?”

He pulls his hand away, tucking his legs closer to his chest, and looks at you warily.

“Oh, come _on_ , Seiji! I… I don’t know. You’ve _said_ you’re not mad at me, but when you keep pulling away and dodging my questions and – and being _weird_ , I don’t know what else to think! Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s self-centered, but you’re my best friend and I love you! Is it so wrong that I wanna help?”

“Uh…” He’s looking at you with an odd intensity, like he’s almost dazed. You blink – it feels weird to have him _staring_ at you like that, but you can’t place why. It’s probably mostly just weirdness from how he’s been acting in general. You’re about to nudge him into finishing his train of thought when he snaps out of it, chuckling too casually.

“Sorry, Sylas. I… didn’t realize that I was being weirder than usual. Or that it would get to you.” He sighs, leaning back and looking up into the tree’s branches. “I don’t _want_ to bug you, y’know? You’re _my_ best friend, and I… I’m glad. I…”

He bites his lip and brushes hair out of his forehead, and you realize he’s been sweating. You check under your own bangs experimentally – it’s not _that_ hot of a day out, and _you’re_ not sweaty. He starts talking again and you drop the train of thought.

“Sorry, I keep – losing my nerve,” he says shakily. “I mean, I… it’s kinda weird, what’s been on my mind, and… I don’t want _you_ to be weirded out, or… or…” He buries his face in his hands and groans. “This is so much _harder_ than it is with other people,” he mutters. “I keep… thinking I know exactly what words to use, and then I try to _say_ them, and…” He groans again.

“Uh…” You pause, wanting to comfort him but unsure how to go about it. “I don’t _think_ I’ll be weirded out? You’re my buddy, and I just wanna be able to talk to you and know you’re okay.”

He laughs. “I _know_ all that, but… I keep freaking out, just a little, like maybe I’m wrong and _this_ is weird enough that you _would_ be weirded out.”

“Why would I be?”

“… If I told you why, that’d be the same as telling you.”

You try to figure out why that might be. He notices the look on your face and starts laughing.

“Man, if I don’t tell you soon you’ll guess on your own, huh? You’re… you’re smart like that.”

He takes a deep breath. “Okay. Sylas, I –”

And then he disappears in a cascade of scarlet sparkles.

“Uh, Seiji?”

He’s back before you have time to get up, looking mortified. “I… got jumpy. Sorry. Anyways, uh…” He buries his head again. “Maybe it’d be easier if you figured it out. Then I wouldn’t have to say anything.”

You lean back and look up. The tree’s leaves are rustling, just a little. You’re starting to get a little miffed – you can understand being nervous about judgement, but Seiji should know better. Shouldn’t he? You sit up again, looking him right in the eye.

“C’mon, Seiji,” you say softly. “Won’t you _please_ tell me?”

He blinks rapidly, going pink again.

“Uh, well. Uh. I…” He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “ _Fuck_ , Sylas, I can’t say no to you. Okay, okay, uh…”

He fishes around in the bag of food you’ve brought until he’s got some grapes. You raise your eyebrow at him.

“Huh? Oh, these aren’t relevant, I was just hungry. Anyways… have you ever had something be obvious, completely in your face, for a long time, but it takes you forever to notice?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Something like… having a thing for someone, maybe?”

“Nah, not really. There’s someone you like?”

“Uh… yeah. I, uh…”

You abruptly realize what he means before he can finish his sentence. You snap your head over to look at him, raising your eyebrows. You can see from the look on his face that he can tell you understand. He goes red again – _that_ gives you a pang in your stomach, now you know what it means. Neither of you are sure what to say.

“I… really? _Me_?”

“Well, yeah!” He sounds defensive. “I mean, you’re… you know…”

You grin. “Maybe I don’t. I’m not _popular_ like _you_ , Seiji, I’ve never had someone to…” Something clicks in the back of your head as your mind turns to Seiji’s exes. “… oh my _god_ , Seiji, they _all_ –”

“Shut up!” He shoves your shoulder, but you’re already laughing. You don’t fall over, not quite, but you still need to regain your balance. Once you’ve got it you grab a handful of grapes for yourself. You look over at Seiji. He’s glancing at you nervously again, but he looks relieved. You’re glad.

“So, uh,” you begin awkwardly, “how long…?”

“Forever,” he says automatically. “I mean… I don’t remember ever feeling _different_ about you. You’ve always been… Sylas, y’know?”

“Yeah, that’s how it works.”

“No, shut up, you know what I mean! You’ve always been my buddy, and I’ve always l… iked you a… a lot, and I guess I just…” He gestures vaguely.

You laugh. “That’s cute. So, uh… did something happen last week to make you realize?”

“Actually, yeah. How’d you…?”

“Because that’s when you started acting _weird_.” You playfully shove his shoulder.

“All right, all right. Well, uh. My mom called you my boyfriend, and–”

You start giggling, shaking your head. “And that was _really_ the first time you ever considered you had a thing for me? Even though it’s been _forever_?”

He nods, smiling down at the grass. “Yeah, really. I mean… it didn’t feel like anything, when I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t get butterflies and I didn’t… think it _meant_ anything that I liked to be around you, or talk to you, or touch you. Like, of _course_ it mattered to me more than anything that you were happy.”

“Oh… hm.” It sounds so… small. It’s not hard to understand at all how Seiji might not notice _how_ he liked you. You smile at him until he notices and grins back.

“Sorry for being weird,” he says. “I… well, I didn’t think I was being _that_ weird, and by the time I noticed, my brain was kinda…” He gestures with his hands. “You’d smile at me and I’d just… stop being able to think for a second.”

You laugh, feeling a little fluttery. You’ve never had someone _like_ you like this, and the thought keeps popping into your head. It’s flattering, but beyond that it’s just… nice. You’re glad it’s Seiji – someone who knows you well enough to like _you_ for something more than your looks or money.

“Well, I’m glad you told me,” you say, scooting over and putting your arm around his shoulders. He leans into you right away. He’s warm. “I was so scared I’d done something wrong and you were _mad_ at me, or… upset in some way I couldn’t fix. So… it’s good to know you’re not.”

You feel him nod his head against your chest. “I don’t think _anything_ could hurt me that you couldn’t fix. Not as long as I’ve got you around.” He turns enough to wrap his arms around you. You give him a real hug.

It’s a little awkward – you’re both sitting down – but it makes you feel better than you have in a while. Seiji’s not mad at you, he’s hugging you again, and… he _likes_ you. You’re going to have to deal with that eventually.

“What now?” you ask once he pulls away.

“Uh, I was gonna finish the food we brought.”

You laugh and shake your head. “Not _now_ , I mean… what am I gonna do about… uh…”

He shrugs. “Why are you asking me? I mean, I know what I _want_ , but… it’s up to you.”

He sounds like he’s trying not to be hopeful. You can understand why, but it breaks your heart, just a little.

“I know,” you say, choosing your words carefully. “But… I’ll think about it.”

“You don’t have to!” he says quickly. “I mean… I’d rather you say no and mean it than say yes because you think it’ll make me happy.”

You laugh. “C’mon, Seiji, give me a _little_ credit. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

He nods. “Yeah, I know. I just… I was scared ‘cause I didn’t wanna… I dunno. Be weird about it and make you feel shitty enough to…”

He trails off, blinking a little too deliberately. You put your hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not gonna stop being your friend, Seiji. I don’t think there’s anything you _could_ do that’d make me stop liking you.”

His grin makes you forget you were ever worried in the first place.


End file.
